all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In other news, I just burned my penis
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
