theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
