You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't deserve a penis
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
