hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this must be what syphilis tastes like
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
