So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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