Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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