I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
