she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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