Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
