I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
