that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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