Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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