My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize