She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
