Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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