Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
