k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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