She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
