I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
