So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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