i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize