I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize