There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
