I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
