Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
