so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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