sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
