I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
