Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
