She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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