if i died would you start the facebook group?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
