Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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