Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
