Just fell off a train. Bad.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
