office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize