Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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