How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
