There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
