the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
