Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
