I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
