Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
