my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize