so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We need to get me chipped asap
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
