I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
