hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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