capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
