My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
