she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
