hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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