went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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