But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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