My liver just broke up with me...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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