I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
