I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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