Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
