All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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