We're like a lot better than the average bears
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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