how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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