I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
