oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize