My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
