my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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