He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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