Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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