Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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