Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
