My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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