it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
