You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
