That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
