I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
