i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
