I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
