I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
