the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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