i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cut my penus on the lid.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize