you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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