Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
