Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize