saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
