Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
