sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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