I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
