I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
