Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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