I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
