i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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